You Can Fight Crime, But You Can't Fight Fate

It WOULD have been joy. Indeed it would have. So joyful that Whoopi Goldberg would’ve joined the whole motley crew with her amateur teenage wonder-choir from Sister Act 2 and everyone would’ve joined in a mighty chorus of “Joyful, Joyful” to celebrate on that Easter (Les Paques, if you will) morn.

There is just one overlooked word that makes all the difference in this tragic tale of woe.
And that word is “in.”
The young and aspiring optometrists, the female crime fighting team, and the musical yet vertically challenged Spanish megalomaniacs happened to be meeting IN a quape, instead of ON quape.

If you analyze just a bit further, you will realize that Easter is not only the name of the Christian holiday, but also refers to an island of Chile in the southern Pacific Ocean… namely Easter Island. This particular island was inhabited by Polynesians since the fifth century A.D. and encountered by Dutch explorers on Easter Day, 1722. The island is famous for its hieroglyphic tablets and colossal heads carved from volcanic rock, which were probably produced by the Polynesian inhabitants during a period from roughly 1000 to 1600.

Just as the riddle of Les Paques decoys the puzzle-solver to think they met on a water chestnut, filled with walrus milk instead of water, Easter also has a double meaning. These passion filled people met on Easter Island that Easter morning, and this, I believe, is the chaos that ensued:

A Spanish megalomaniac was practicing his flugal horn, while the optometrists were attempting to map out the eye of some creature. (Whether it is human or puppy was not disclosed to me.) The optometrists, thinking they had some advantage over the vertically challenged megalomaniac, teamed up on this poor fellow and stole his flugal horn because it was making too much noise. They attempted to throw it off the island, but instead was nearly intercepted by a female crime fighter. The female crime fighter unfortunately tried to catch the horn with too much umph (being a crime fighter requires much gusto, after all) and instead of catching the horn, she ran head on into a colossal head carved from volcanic rock. The head was no match for the crime fighter, and it rolled down the hill, crushing them all. Only one crime fighter was able to carve hieroglypics into a tablet nearby before she died. Because her time was running out, she of course abbreviated all parties involved – hence the FURNAGIL and MONAGELITE. Because of her message, all future tourists have been warned against bringing their flugal horns to the island, and so far, the death toll has not increased.

I believe NOW the case can be closed.