_Stuck_ in the _Mud_

The last time I attempted these were in 7th grade. Forgive me if they aren't genius, or if they just plain don't make sense.

1. 4 out of 5 doctors agree __to disagree__.

2. Venezuela is to Cedric Diggory as bratwursts are to __Kentucky__.

3. A priest, a rabbi and __my cousin Vinny__ walk into a bar. Everyone dies.

4. Puppy bowling __strikes out in my book__.


I need to drink some tea.

______ in the _______

I have indeed been slacking and finding other things to fill my time. But I really have no excuse. I've been out-bantered.

...and yet, I still feel qualified to fill in these blanks. Maybe it's a grandiose sense of self, a bloated ego or a shade of megalomania, but I'm going to do it gall durnit.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. He who laughs last, doesn't get the joke.

3. Support bacteria. They’re the only chance at getting sick that some people may have.

4. Change is inevitable, except when you have exact change.

Now it's your turn:

1. 4 out of 5 doctors agree ______________

2. Venezuela is to Cedric Diggory as bratwursts are to _______________

3. A priest, a rabbi and a __________ walk into a bar. Everyone dies.

4. Puppy bowling __________

Come on ... Do the Locomotion With Me

Okay well I must be hopelessly and pathetically bored or maybe Greg is finally busy with something thrilling! (If so, I'm jealous. Again.) Hopefully this boredom will only last another 2 days since I will be moving soon! But somehow, despite my regular 1000 mph school year rate, my mind still craves banter. So probably... nothing will really change. :)

So my friends, here are some Fill-In-The-Blank Wisdom Phrases to pass the time!
1. A day without sunshine is like _______________________.

2. He who laughs last, _____________.

3. Support bacteria. They’re the only ________________ that some people may have.

4. Change is inevitable, except ____________________.

Life Lesson: Coffee drunk late at night still has caffeine in it.

Karaoke bars aren’t given enough credit. Kara Oke’s nephew, Miles Davis got his start in her bar. And where else can you sing Summer Nights from GREASE to practice for auditions or relive your band’s glory days with Free Bird? (I will take this moment to promote Applebee’s Karaoke Nights every Thursday from 9 pm – midnight. Sit in my section, buy a few rounds, and remember to tip me well!) I feel that those people out there who think they are above such lowly entertainment are really scared to admit that deep down inside they have stage fright, and the best thing to get over stage fright is to face your fear. I dare all you karaoke-fearers to sing A Whole New World with me. If you don’t love it, your boneless buffalo wings are on me.

I had a list of things I learned this summer without an adventure to Wisconsin. But they were too obvious and practical and not at all philosophical. But my sister and her friend are currently talking about odd names. It reminds me of a game we used to play called, “I Will Never Name My Kid….” So I will leave you a list of names that I doubt I will ever name my children.

Keanne
Georgeenini
English
Electra
Harold
Keegan
Gus
Judd

Deep Thoughts

My oh my, it's been a while. I've returned from my Wisconsin lake vacation with a restored vision, a sharpened rapier's wit and glint in my eye (owing no doubt to my purchase of the book Overstatement and Metaphor for Beginners). One can glean an awful lot gazing at a body of water, and I wish to impart some of my newly founded wisdom on the reader (if you'll have me):

-The importance of hyperbole cannot be overstated.

-Wait, crap...that's it. I think. No, wait...hold on, no there's one more:

-A house of mathematicians will always be divided.

-Karaoke bars may very well be the lowest form of humanity.

-Okay, two more.

I would also like to leave with some words of inspiration (and an excerpt from the upcoming collection Chicken Soup for the Thunderdome Soul):

As you gaze down the endless stream of ideas and agony, may the wings of conviction carry you high above the bog of bigotry and into the insatiable glen of knowledge. May the sails of the fates always point you north towards your innermost hopes and ideals, against the current of intolerance, and may your stars of hope always shine brightest when injustice is near.

All's Fair in Love and War?

Oooh I see word is getting around. I am indeed writing a script. However, because it's still in the works, I don't want spoilers all around the internet for the public to see. So here are some things it could be about...

- A dramedy (drama & comedy)TV show series based on the shenanigans of two neighboring college apartments. It involves the world of the theatre arts, international missions, love and relationships, a Nigerian princess and her bodyguard, stalkers, drug busts, food fights, and a rather memorable episode of a squirrel chase.
- A Christmas musical, based of a certain Christian artist's CD, with a redemptive family theme throughout several generations. It is inspired by the Gift of the Magi, Father of the Bride 2, Catch Me If You Can, and While You Were Sleeping. This show presents the true meaning of Christmas in a non-cheesy way, while involving real life problems, barbeque debates, and some stunning choreography in the dance numbers.
-A screenplay of a children's movie, with somewhat similar circumstances as the beginning of The Parent Trap. A group of girls and their rivals of the 6th grade, a dastardly group of boys find themselves together at the same summer camp. Kids will delight in the numerous hilarious pranks that occur, as well as sigh (or cringe) as the two leaders of the opposing groups fall for each other in the midst of a crisis in the middle of the dark forbidden woods.

Oh. And don't think you've gotten off the hook with that feather story.

Caught in the Act

Heck, I'll answer them all. That's why they call me Crazy Greg.

1. The straw's wife left him, he lost his job and his car broke down, all on the same day. That would be enough to drive most anyone to the bottle.

2. Waiting. For it to happen. Because it hasn't yet. And I don't see it happening. Ever. But still I wait patiently (in the spirit of the holiday).

3. Wait, never mind. I'm only answering the first two.

All right, your turn. I heard you were writing a script. What's it about?

I got a haircut today, and I rather like it.

Well folks, we hope you enjoyed our previous series on the Worst Movie Sequels of the Summer! Don't go see them. Or do. It is a free country.

Also in the latest news, our poll question has been answered! Looks like Jennifer Aniston will be playing Heather in Bear Necessities. Updates on the progress of the movie can be followed on imdb.com or the Jennifer Aniston website once her agent returns our phone calls. A new poll will be coming soon!

Well Greg, what would you like to discuss? I believe it's your turn to choose.
1. How indeed did the drinking straw originate?
2. My favorite holiday is Never Day. What are some of your best traditions for that day?
3. Why, might I ask, were you covered in feathers when I saw you yesterday in the cereal isle at WalMart?